I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
