There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
