Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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