im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
