dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
