so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
