how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
