Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
