Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
