Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
