I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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