Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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