He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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