I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
