i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
