He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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