you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
