I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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