I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no you cant smoke seaweed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
