I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
