can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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