I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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