considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
