This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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