why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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