What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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