I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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