D3 body, D1 cock
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
