also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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