I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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