I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
