Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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