My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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