those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
