i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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