I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
