i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
