My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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