Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
