I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
