I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
