pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sober January is a disaster.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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