I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
