Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
