He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
