so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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