my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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