im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
