she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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