Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
