remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
