i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
