I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
