I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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