I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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