I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
