hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
