I want to walk on stilts...naked
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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