absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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