wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just invented taco cereal.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
