but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They have beer where we have blood.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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