Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
