We're like a lot better than the average bears
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
